Alright so we are actually going to finish a post this time. 

We stepped back from the internet for a couple of weeks there after having a very productive and enjoyable long weekend with my wife over her birthday. The release of stress and the dropping of certain responsibilities made me realize that there are a number of aspects of my life where i input far too much energy for very little return. Which sounds a little pompous and awful to saw, but as i've gotten older i've really started trying to prioritize where i put my attention. I'm very bad at paying attention. 

 The end of it all is really there have been certain aspects of my life that i've not been paying attention to that i should have been. Shirking one thing for something else is fine if the other thing is actually more important, and not just dopamine. I've missed streaming, i've missed chat and my friends, but i've gained quite a bit of inner peace and lowered my stress, so is that a good trade off? 

There were never really any hopes of making it big streaming, or even making money off of it, i was just there for the party. And boy did we party, so much so that I had to take a step back earlier in the year because i was just giving too much of myself to it. When you wife stopped working due to some health issues, that also truncated my time to stream. Between that and working extra to make up for certain debts, the amount of time i can put into streaming just kept getting less and less. 

It doesnt help that I think my saturday nights went kind of off the rails there for a month or so. I mean they were always a little bananas but it felt like people wanted to be there and it sort of had some kind of structure. It didn't, but i felt like guided chaos at least. The last few streams were just chaos, no guidance. And i couldnt get it back, just no matter what i did after each evening i'd be wasted tired and reaching to find what felt like it went wrong. Maybe nothing went wrong. Maybe the chaos finally got to me? I just dont know. But it didnt feel right anymore, like i was trying to hard for something but i didnt know what. 

 There have been times where i've been very tempted to go back to it. I miss the chat and i miss doing fun things. I still do fun things, i'm just the only one around for any of them. Well, thats not really true, Mrs Potato is always with me. We got to spend some time together this sunday jamming to records, like i used to do on saturdays. It was really fun and i didnt drink and still had a blast with it. We cleaned up down here and hung out and it was just....nice reconnecting to things i like with her. We've had a fire just about every night this week since i'm on call and cant go anywhere anyway, thats been really awesome too. 

Well its been a few hours and i havent added anything new to this so I'm just gonna post it and call it good. 

I think not streaming for a while is a good thing, i just dislike it and feel lonely about it. At least no one really seemed to have noticed too much. I still havent decided it thats a good thing or a bad one. 

 

 Ive basically just been working since the last time i wrote anything about anything. Well that and playing stupid video games, but those are needed for the brain, otherwise we throw things. I dont really throw things but you can feel that way sometimes.

The new plan for the camera and mic outside is going to work i think. The camcorder goes outside, point at the fire. Composite to HDMI adapter power and camera connected to the power strip behind the bench. The mic connected with the extra long xlr cable to the interface in the house on the mixing table, i'll use my laptop for chat. Then i'll use the normal webcam on the tripod to the usb extension for myself, and stick that in the corner. 

It sounds like a good plan, and everything works, sort of. But i wont have direct control over my OBS so that'll be interesting. If i can get the USB hub connected with the camera I can use the macro keys outside at least. I think. But every time i use a 2k camera on a USB hub it always causes problems.Could be a shitty USB hub though, it is a little older now since i got most of that stuff when i put my desk together in 2020. gees. Maybe i should get a new one. 

I'm trying a new flavour of linux on my netbook now, AntiX. It's really lightweight and quick, which is all i need for this thing. It's going to run chat through IRC for twitch, read comics, and maybe write blog posts when i think about it. Thats just about all it has to do and for what its got thats probably more than enough. 

Boops takes her driving test on monday, that'll be interesting. I know she'll do fine, but what comes after that is what is making me anxious. Her brother did fine, and she will do fine. It'll be fine, i just have to trust it. 

 There isnt really much to say or talk about other than the plans for the party outside. The weather here is starting to get really nice for sitting around on the porch because it's a reasonable temp outside for longer now. Good weather for a fire too, which is perfect really. 

I do have to start making cookies soon. It's cooled down i've just been really lazy. Shit and I have to find a friend of mine some South Park. 

What anime have I been watching lately. A Couple of Cuckoos, Sakamoto Days, Solo Camping for Two, and Summer Pockets. All of them have been pretty fun, Cuckoos is pretty middle of the road for what it is, but it's got me suckered in. I almost fell back into watching Dress Up Darling or whatever its called, but I know how that one goes.I havent really found what I'll be watching next season yet, but maybe I'll mention them here and if I think about it write out what I think about them. Could have done that this time but I'm just poppin in to leave a note, you know?

This weekend should be fun. Today is a lazy day but the rest of the time I'msure we'll be going to parks and cemetaries and stuff. I've thought about posting some pictures here in the updates just for fun, but i tend to only look for the stones that look like tree stumps. 

 Working n the office kind of has a new flavour to it now, and I cant say i like it much. I miss my boy, but thats been beat to death so i'm going to have to move past it. We are training a new guy this week, which is great because it means in like six months it'll be really helpful, but in that time we'll have six times more volume and it wont really help that much, but we'd be dead without him. I like the guy, he seems fine and not like a lazy person. We have enough of those. 

 Life without Mr Gus down in the office has been slow and quiet and lonely. Honestly i swear i hear him all the time, but it's just my brain filling in the silence I think. Miss Luna does come downstairs and hangs out with me sometimes, but mostly just because she wants to go outside out the back door. I'd want that too, and i do like going out there with her, she just does the same thing Gus used to do though, eats grass and then comes inside and throws it up. I dont know why cats like to do that. Toby never did and neither did Miss Steve. I think once I'm done done with cats i wont think about them quite so much, but i loved them all and i miss the ones that arent here. 

 Work has helped a little bit in that Ive got something else to think about. Streaming last weekend was different, but we all had a good time and i didnt have to talk about it. I did bring him uup once on sunday though while we were listening to music, but only to explain the incense thing i've been doing, since it so happened i was burning the last one for mr gus while on stream, it only seemed right to include everyone. I do think good thoughts for him and wish him a peaceful rest when i do that. i really do want him to be safe and sound and calm somewhere and i know he isnt in pain any more, thats the important thing i guess. I just miss him a lot. 

Wow need to move on. No new projects right now. The outside fire streams have been improved and i think i'll run with those some times int he evenings just to balance things out if i need to stream but cant think of what to stream. I dont think it'll work in the winter time, and I might change the cameras around a little, instead of trying to get the whole picture into the camcorder, just use that for the fire or something. Point the webcam at my head and call it good. Yea there'll be some time that im not on the screen, but no one cares about that anyway, i dont HAVE to be on the screen, i just am so it's more personable. I could just do the vtube thing but its more work than just having my real face on it. Plus im not really worried about someone getting to me in person. Not really anyway. 

I need to do this a little today, if only to try and get myself back int he habit of letting my brain just go for a while when ive got a few minutes. Good luck out there yall. 

 

 

 Mondays seem to be a reflective day for me. Youd think it would be something like a sunday evening or something but no, monday mornings are when i get weird and nostalgic. I wonder if thats because its my escapism coming through since i really dont want to do my job. I get really hard anxiety every monday morning when i get up, gurgle-y stomach and everything. Its one of the things i wish i could shake but i just haven't been able to do it. Who knows. Most of these entries come from a monday morning or something when im sitting here wishing i was doing just about anything other than working, cobbled together throughout the day until i'm "done" with it and then it just gets saved. A window into the mind of an IT professional on a monday I guess. 

 One of my cats is dying and im really sad about it. He's ancient and it's past his time but that doesnt make it any easier. For those of you who dont watch the streams, his name is Mr Gus and he was a cat we inherited from a dead neighbor when their family couldn't care for him. We dont know how old he was when we got him, but the vet guessed about 16 or so, that was about 5 years ago. So he's definitely older and had some mobility issues at that time, but was still spry and i still wanted to love on him. We may be taking him into the vet latr this week for a sleeping session, i dont want him to suffer and I know the end is near just from how he's acting. It's just hard. I hold on for too long and i know it. I did this when Crystal got sick and passed, babied him right up until i just couldnt do it any more. He'd lost his ability to walk and was dragging himself around and i just couldnt help him any more and he had to go to sleep too. I hate this part of owning cats. I love them so much their whole lives and then I have to be the one to put them down too. It's just not fair. I know life isnt fair, but it still hurts. Gus isnt there yet, but he's getting close and I dont want to do that. 

He is just on my mind a lot lately. There are of course other things to worry about, as always, but he's weighing me down a little. I think it's because he is such a good boy and never causd anyone any trouble and is just a sweet old man. I love his little face. But I do have to think about something else a little bit or I'll spiral down the tube all day and no one needs that. 

 Streaming has been going alright. Game night was fun, but we didnt play any Halo and I'm sure that put off at least a couple of people. I would love to play some Infinite or something this week maybe. I can get Flanja and the rest to hop in on that probably. I'm sure. We'll shuffle things around a little this week and maybe do something short after jams, keep jams short, and start halo around 10. Get people in there kinda early but not too early? We'll see. I know there are some people who only come for Halo and dont really play anything else, but also vice versa, so we'll just have to play things by ear. I suppose at the end of the day if im having a good time and they are having a good time, the rest isn't as important, or worth worrying about. 

 We are gong to the state fair this weekend and im super excited about it. I get to go to the beer tent too, and even though Mrs Potato doesnt really drink, I think it'll be fun to try some new things. Plus i get to wander around a little drunk all day, so that'll probably be my first stop! Pretty excited for the butter cow, because i mean shit, if you go to a fair and DONT see a giant animal made out of butter or cheese did you really go? I've never been to one before so i'm very stoked on the possibility of having a bunch of crazy new fried things i can try. If you fry something, i'll generally eat it, and i'm taking like 40 bucks to just spend on trash food while im there. 

 We went to some sand dunes this last weekend, and i really always like going there. the town around the dunes is just so nice and vacation-y, which people everywhere having a great time and lots of summer homes that are cute and fun to look at. We got there really early int he morning, which is good because it takes 3 hours to get to the place. Parking was a cinch and we got to wander in the dunes for about 3-4 hours before we got too hot and needed a break, and it was about the time all the kids and families were flooding into the sand so it was a good time to roll anyway. We saw some good graveyards out there and I've been getting better about stopping for them. Sometimes in the country they are just kinda hard to see before you drive past them, and then stopping and turning around it kind of a pain in the ass, so sometimes i dont. I've been getting better about it though. 

 Socially things are alright. Think i've pissed off one of my friends but maybe not? I'm not sure. he's not the best person for finding out what you did but there were some backhanded comments on friday night that made me wonder if i said or did something to cause a problem. Probably, i tend to do that, i cant remember now how they said it, but they did say something about demeaning or condescending comments, which i mean i guess you could see how i talk to people that way sometimes, but it might also not have been me at all. I dont know, thats partly the problem really. We were playing a game and its one that this person has gotten lost in fairly quickly before, so i just try to keep them moving in the right direction. Maybe that could be a little demeaning if i wasn't being kind about it, or maybe it was because i was being too kind about it that the tone makes it sound condescending. I just know that i have tone problems in social situations and not everyone gets it, or might take things the wrong way. I certainly hope that isnt the case here, and it's probably someone else that they were referring to, but unless or until someone can be specific i just spin my wheels on it. 

 I dont know man, it's halfway through monday part 1 and im already tired, but only for thinking too much. I'm going to turn my brain off for a bit. 

 

This past weekend was a good one, even though we didnt quite do the things we set out to. We helped my mom shuck, boil, blanche, and freeze 5 dozen ears of corn, and washed some blueberries, which im sure we'll get to take some of. It was a good time, i'm glad we could sit and chill with my mom for a while. Mrs Potato and my Mom have always got on fairly well, and it's nice for them to get out of their normal things and hang out with each other. I'm hoping we do similar things for more veggies and the like over the fall. We could have a lot of fun making jams and jellies and packing things away for the winter time. We'll have to make sure to note any good farmers markets and things like that we see on the little trips we take on the weekends. 

I felt weird about game night this week and i cant really put my finger on it. I wanted to play Halo earlier so that someone could still play with us, since he's in a EU time zone so his nights are way later than ours when he stays up to play. It worked out pretty well I think and while there wasn't a lot of joiners early, by the time things got rolling there were more than expected. I think maybe what we can do next time is a little bit of gold after jams, then the halo, then switch to whatever the big weird thing is that week. I really like Risk of Rain with a lot of people but I know it's not everyone's favourite game. Maybe we can get back into that. 

I REALLY enjoy Peak, but I think i was too slow on the uptake and most people are bored with it now. Boops played too much on saturday so I know why she was mostly nonplussed when playing with us, and we did have a great turnout for the people that played with us, I just feel off about it i think. I wasn't trying to push it too late with that one, but we did stat about an hour after i said I would start. 

 I decided not to do the fire on the porch thing on sunday morning, mostly because i woke up an hour later than i'd meant to and also because i just didnt wanna go do it. I think maybe I'll try doing the thing again in the evening and see what I think about it, but only on days it's not 400 degrees outside. Those are gladly coming faster, i'm excited for things to start cooling down and i can stop using the AC at all for like two months until it starts getting too cold and we have to crank up the heat. I think the kotatsus will help with that this winter, and the kids will just have to layer up. I'll check the windows and frames and walls and stuff for any now holes or cracks and then just work from there. 

 New plans for taking a trip in september, but not til near the end sadly. I dont think i've got any days off until then, so we'll just have to make those count. I'm still trying to figure out when I want to take my week off. Normally we do that for the week between xmas and new years but this year someone beat me to it. I didnt want to be that guy that does it every year, even if i DO want to be that guy. Seemed fair for some of the others to at least have the chance, and they took it. 

 I'm all over the palce today, i dont know what is in my brain. 

We went to a cantelope ice cream fesitval yesterday, somewhat nearby (about an hour away) and it was pretty nice. They had a big ol fair and farmer's market, as well as a bunch of seasonal stuff out. Lots of vendors and tents and stuff, which we always really enjoy. We came home with some fudge and some chocolate covered oreos from a bakery/chocolate shoppe in that town. Pretty good stuff, even if i have to share some of it with the kids. 

 Streaming has been going alright, wish I could do it more. No new projects to discuss, mostly just trying to keep this crazy train rollin. 

 The next thing I'm working on will be for a little bit of fun I think. Made a plan a while back to drag my camcorder outside with my microphone and a laptop and see what kind of hang time I can do on a weekend morning on stream. 

The idea I think will be to set up the laptop with OBS and voicemeeter, which is already done, then set up a new scene for sitting outside. I think the camera pointed at me towards the house should be fine, but it'll also be on a tripod so i can move it around and point it out or at the fire or a bug or something as needed. I dont think anyone will be coming outside while I'm out there but I think I will let everyone know and remind them the night before so they aren't surprised. 

I've got a USB HDMI capture from avermedia that I've used int he past to connect the camera to, but first I'll need to connect the camera output to the Composite/HDMI upscaler, which I do want to replace eventually. It'll get sound form there but I'll just mute that. I've got my microphone and interface ready to connect, and once those two things are on there all I need to do is figure out what to do while im outside. I think I'll have roska in a call with me so we can do music requests, and then probably play some marbles or something i guess. Maybe. I actually dont know how well that laptop will run that for a stream. Also i guess I should probably mention the ethernet connection back into the house, since I'll just be using a super long cable for that. 

 In theory that should all work out just fine. 

Past that I dont have many project or plans. Working extra has been terrible but hopefully the boy gets himself a job soon and i can lay off a little and take a break. I have to keep reminding myself that the job market sucks right now and that he's trying as hard as he can, even though it doesnt really look like it. He does odd jobs for my mom to keep busy and keeps up around here when we ask., so i cant really complain too much. It could always be worse. 

Might need to think of a new project. 

 

    Amazing weekend, totally fantastic, wish it didn't have to end. 

    Friday was a half day at work and I got to spend the half working on stuff i actually like. Tedious, individual, and slow paced, no pressure. Just do it right and get it right and test it to make sure you didn't break anything type stuff. I was replacing a switch and then moving all of the connections to be a little more efficient than they were initially. That involved moving each cable one at a time, marking which port they came from, which port they were moved to, and what vlan that port was assigned to. It doesn't seem like it would be that complicated but the process just took forever. 

    After that we went to a fish sandwich festival, which was honestly a little underwhelming but still fun. We had out sandos and fries (the fries were awesome) and then drove around and looked at stuff. We found a thrift store/laundromat, which was an odd combination but she found some stuff she liked there, so we won.  

    The part I think i'd rather revisit ad do again are the beaches we found. There were quite a few cute little county beaches that were there and available and empty for anyone to use. We didnt have any beach chairs (I've since rectified that) so e wandered about on the strip and picked up rocks and driftwood and the like. I'm excited to go back with the beach chairs and the umbrella and a cooler and some jams and chill time. I'm super into just sitting there on the beach, i love that, or laying on a blanket on the sand and just letting myself soak it up. The sound of beaches when no one else is around is just fantastical. 

    The rest of the weekend was nice and calm. Sunday we did a lot of cleaning, and by we i mean i did a lot of cleaning. I needed to find the small USB capture card i used to use for the VCR before i got the switcher. I knew it was here someplace and just couldnt find the damn thing. Mrs Potato was missing some boxes of decorations and either could have been in two places, and both needed cleaned real bad. So I cleaned out and organized the under-the-stairs closet, and the server bathroom. Yes, you read that correctly, the server bathroom. 

    To explain, we've got an unfinished bathroom where Mr Gus has his litter box and without much else to use that room for I stuck our server cabinet and IDF switches in there. It's in a cabinet and doesnt get gunked up by dust and hair luckily, because i clean that hallway and room once a week, but also its quieter. The server and large POE switch used to be in my closet, and during the summer (or what i like to call "jet engine season" the server fans run 100% non stop until it's cooler outside. So like three months a year it's loud, and during the winter its actually really nice to have in my closet, because it warms up the whole room, but in the summer thats terrible too. So it has a new home down here where i can close the door and let the heat get sucked out of the room. 

    This coming weekend I think we'll do some beaches and picnics and chill time. It'll only cost me gas and if we pack lunch it'll save us buying anything and Mrs Potato will be happier since we wont be eating crap food. 

 I think next weekend will be a good one too. I've gotta get some fire wood so we can do the garbo wake and bake stream and see how that works out.